Dear Lover,
Yesterday was a hard day. It was a long day. I decided to put a cherry on top by picking up my iPad when I got home and quietly watching the video I secretly recorded of me telling you I was pregnant. It was really interesting to re-watch you processing the news, and the anxiety taking over. One of the good things that has come from our journey is that I know next time there will be no anxiety, just delight.
My favourite thing you said in the video, “I’ve started to resent ugly people I see on the street with kids. Why them? Why not us?”. We don’t feel that way anymore because we might now know the answer to “why not us”, and hopefully it’s temporary.
I cried watching that video. I cried for the couple who were full of worries about when the baby arrived, not realizing that the baby would never get to actually be. I cried for the couple who talked about how we’d be a family of three by the following Christmas. I cried for the couple who hugged each other with delight, saying “we did it!”. I cried for the couple who thought the hardest part of this journey was over, and we were finally on the other side.
And then I cried out of absolute gratitude for the love between us. We’re closer, stronger, and so much gentler with each other and ourselves than the couple in that video needed to be. And while it’s the bumpy and twisted road we’ve walked that’s gotten us there, I’m glad to have travelled it with you.
xo
PS. Today was supposed to be Ski Day at school. Last year on Ski Day I thought I was getting my period. Turns out it was just the first indication of the pregnancy I didn’t yet know about. You’re taking your trip to Florida next weekend, which is where you were when I found out. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year.
Dear Lover 